I'm Just Sulking

Just let me cry out, sulk and not talk for a while

I just want to be alone, listen to my heart

Maybe I'll soon be back to you, with a better feeling.

Do not anger my God.. I'm just sulking.

Only accompanied by silent grief

I know you heard me, looked at me with love

It's just that sometimes I don't understand

The way you loving me

I'm just sulking,

Knowing that I'm not as strong as I'm supposed to be

Knowing that I'm not as good as I'm supposed to be

Let me cry out and hating myself

I know that tomorrow morning, I'll get better

Let the silence of night makes me forget my pain

Let my dream tonight makes me forgive my sorrow

Let your infinite love be a healer for my sick

I hope that tomorrow morning, I'll understand better

Today I'm sooo Happy..

Hi Friend,

Today I want to share with you about a thing that really made my day, that makes me contemplate further about...Hmmm.. A priceless thing.

This evening, I’ve just met with an old woman that has ‘disabilities’, she can’t walking and speaking normally and she’s got bent spine. I feel a bit scared when she greeted me, since I was daydreaming anyway. She asked for some water and foods from me, she looked so tired. I immediately get some foods and water for her. She said, that her home is still far away and didn’t know how she should get there. I told her that the place where she lives was too far if reached by foot, so I drove her to a public transport and asked the driver to take her home.

It was a raining afternoon, people around me looking  at me astonished when I hold her hand as guiding her to crossing the traffic jam. As if they saw an angel in front of them. Hehe.. or is it just a feeling of over-flattered? :P

Today I feel so blessed that I can ease other’s difficulties, although it’s just a small deed.  Really, the such things that gives ‘value’ to my life. Of course, I don’t feel that I’m a good person neither it is my purpose to be, nor want to be considered as  a good person. Nope. I just want to share with you. I just feel that, it is the things that makes me happy. If I can make other person happy, then it gives me sincere happiness as well.

And that’s why, I always kept my dreams to be a rich woman someday. I don’t need a normal standard to determine that I’m rich. If I could give ‘something’ to people in need, so to me, I’m rich. The more I can give, the richer I am.

Well, that’s my little note today, there’s nothing to be proud of. I wrote my memorable moments here to remind me that I’ve done something that my heart told.

Thanks for reading. J

My Dignity

Di tengah retakan bara,

Langit siang ini adalah mendung terkelam

Yang pernah menemani hembusan nafas

Tak mengapa, aku belum menyerah

Air mata terasa telah habis terkuras,

Desahan keluh telah kuadukan pada senyap

Dan ketakutan kerap menikam pembuluh darah

Tak apa, semua akan baik-baik saja

Hatiku masih berbisik,

Aku masih dapat tegak berdiri.

Harga diriku adalah jiwaku,

Harga diriku adalah sebagai hambaMu,

Atasnya aku bersedia bertaruh nyawa

Tak akan ku tukar dengan segunung berlian

Tak akan ku tukar dengan buaian mimpi indah

Aku hanya meminta padaMu, Cahayaku..

Apabila waktu telah memutar arahku

Ke tempat yang sama sekali berbeda

Mampukan aku tetap berpijak,

Pada harga diriku.

Separuh Nafasku, Terbang Bersama Kopiku..

Hari kemarin saya dan keluarga udah mengantar kepergian adik saya tercinta ke Bandara, dia baru nikah 5 hari yg lalu dan sekarang diboyong sama suaminya yang kerja di Kalimantan.  Bandara International Soekarno Hatta. Seperti di tempat2 menengah keatas lainnya, saya melihat ada banyak food corner atau stand minuman dari merek2 ternama seperti Starbucks, Coffee Bean dll. Kebanyakan yang nongkrong disitu nggak jauh2 dari Bule2 yang transit dulu untuk mengisi perut or menunda ngantuk dgn menyeruput secangkir kopi dari warung kopi yang terkenal di seantero jagat raya.. Apa lagi kalo bukan Starbucks?

Ngomong2 soal Starbucks ini, saya masih penasaran, kenapa untuk secangkir kopi di tempat ini harganya begitu mahal (menurut saya). Adakah sesuatu yg benar2 istimewa darinya? Untuk satu cup kopi disitu dipasang harga sekitar 50ribu++. Apa karena kualitas dan pengolahan kopinya yg sedemikian excellent? Apa karena merek Starbucks-nya yang bikin orang-orang yg nongkrong disitu otomatis jadi naik gengsi? 

Well, just forget it. Yg saya mau cuma segelas kopi untuk mengenyahkan rasa kantuk saya, kopi biasa dengan harga dibawah 5 ribu yg gak bakal dijual di area Bandara International.

Sepulang dari Bandara, di ruas jalan Tol kami menyempatkan mampir ke Rest Area 57. Buat shalat Ashar n cari sesuatu yg bisa melenyapkan kantuk. Kebetulan hari itu Rest Area dipadati ramai orang, selain karena lagi hari Libur Nasional Nyepi, juga lagi digelar acara Majelis Taklim bersama salah seorang ustadz yg lumayan terkenal dengan slogan “Are you ready???”. Yup! Dialah ustadz SOLMET yg tampangnya sering wara-wiri di televisi.

Begitu mobil diparkirkan, Aha!! Saya dah tengok satu stand kopi lokal dgn label TORA****. Ibaratnya gayung bersambut, tanpa mikir2 saya langsung menghampiri tu stand kopi. “Mas, kopi Cappucino satu ya..”  daripada ngidamin Kopi Starbucks yang harganya selangit, mendingan juga ini kopi lokal dengan harga eceran Rp. 1500 + biaya seduh yg ga nyampe Rp. 3000. What a perfect day!

Setelah si mas tukang kopinya nyeduh tu kopi, tibalah saatnya yg dinanti.. nyeruput kopi dengan segenap keriangan hati. Hehe.. Eits tunggu, bayar dulu.. “Berapa mas?” Saya tanya.

“Tiga puluh ribu delapan ratus, mbak..”

Ap.. appa?? 30 ribu?? Kopi TORA**** 30 ribu?? Kegirangan saya mendadak menguap. Kalo bisa sih saya mau balikin tu kopi n pura-pura kebelet ke kamar kecil. Tapinya rada tengsin juga. Terpaksa lah, dengan lemes saya rogoh isi dompet saya yg cuma nyisa 50 ribu utk melunasi keinginan saya untuk menyeruput kopi di hari itu. Kedengeran lebay emang, tapi bagi saya membayar harga setinggi itu untuk satu cup kopi biasa adalah sangat BERLEBIHAN. Agaknya ini adalah yang pertama dan terakhir kali saya membeli sesuatu tanpa mengetahui harganya dengan pasti terlebih dahulu.  Ya, ketahui dan sepakati sebelum kamu memutuskan untuk membeli barang apapun. No matter how rich you are. 

It's You.. It's only You

You are the only reason to keep walking

No matter how many times I've fallen

You are the only reason to keep giving

No matter how many times I've been hurt

You are the only reason to keep smiling

No matter how many times I've cried

You are the only reason to keep trying

No matter how many times I've failed

Yes, You are the only one

The only one whom I can rely upon

The only one who never leave me alone

The only one who gave me the assurance

Yes, I'm alive and will always be alive

It's because of You.. It's only You

My Dear Brothers,

My dear brothers, I'm sorry..

I forget your pains

I ignore your tears

I can't hear your cries

I'm just too busy,

Minding my own business

Pursuing my dreams

Entertaining myself

You know, I'm just too busy

Many things distract me from you

From your endless tears

From your endless fears

My dear brothers,

Can you still forgive me?

I promise myself to remember you

In my prayers, in my heart

I wake up from my prolonged dreams

And I'm here with you

In my hopes, in my wishes

Silent and Listen..

Your heart will tell you the truth,

Silent and listen to its sound,

Don't ignore, just take a moment

Let your heart speak, don't interupt it

Your heart will tell your honest wishes,

Pause for a moment, don't make any noise

Or you can't hear what it really conveys

You can only listen in silence

Your heart could tell you what is love,

The true part of your pure soul

The only side that elevates you up high

That brings you to the eternal life

Your heart will never let your hopes dashed 

Your heart will never let your dreams fade

Your heart will never let your flame dims 

Your heart will never let your wings broken

Silent and Listen.. 

It may be vague

By the time you ignore

It may be eventually mute

Over times you don't care

You could eventually lose your soul

By the time you lose its sounds at all